How to Make Sex Last Longer

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It’s common to equate sexual prowess with sexual stamina — although, amazing-and-short sex is almost always preferable to awful-but-long banging. Most people might not want to admit that they couldn’t make it past the five minute mark, but research shows almost half of men orgasm in two minutes or less. A 2017 survey by British sex toy retailer Lovehoney found that the average sex session is a manageable 10 minutes (19 if you include foreplay). The good news is that according to research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, 10 minutes is right in line with how long people want sex to last. According to the study, seven to 13 minutes is a "desirable" length of time to be going at it in the bedroom. But if your sex life feels like a hundred meter dash and you need a 400 meter relay to get off, here are some things you can do to improve your mileage.

1. Have him masturbate beforehand. If you've seen There's Something About Mary, you know that having sex without masturbating is "like going out there with a loaded gun." Ejaculating an hour or two beforehand makes it harder for a man to come quickly. As Dr. Jane Greer, relationship expert and family therapist, puts it, "You can build up arousal again with slow and intimate foreplay with your partner, so the guy's excitement is initially satisfied and he can better pace himself and sync up with his partner's rhythm."

2. Take advantage of men’s refractory period. Who says sex needs to be limited to just one session? This one won’t work for everyone, but marriage therapist Lisa Thomas recommends starting things up again a few minutes after he ejaculates. “Many men experience less sensitivity during the second erection,” Thomas explains. As long as you don’t mind waiting the few minutes (or switching back to foreplay), and he can get it up relatively quickly, you should have better results in round two.

3. Try something new and out of the ordinary in bed. When you've been with the same partner for a while, your routine sex positions can make his body anticipate coming, and thus come a lot sooner. New positions and sensations will distract him and make him last longer. "The more awkward and unfamiliar, the better," says Greer.

4. Try edging. When he's about to orgasm, have him stop and wait about a minute or so before going back at it. Everyone has an orgasmic point of no return, an "ejaculatory inevitability" as sex researcher Dr. Ian Kerner puts it. Edging trains his body to delay that point so he can spend more time on the edge (and more time pleasing you).

5. Squeeze the base of his penis. This is an old one that comes courtesy of sex researchers Masters and Johnson. You can do this with your hand or using a cock ring. It quite literally stops him from ejaculating. Think of it like bending a hose in half to stop the flow of water, but definitely do not bend his penis in half under any circumstances. Just give it a firm grip.

6. Have him do kegels, yoga, and pilates. All of these exercises strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which help him control orgasm spasms. (And yeah, dudes can do kegels too).

7. Try perpendicular sex positions. This is technically an outercourse position, but it's a way to avoid the most sensitive areas of the penis (specifically, the underside of the head, where a lot of the nerves are located). "Don't actually enter her, but let her glide back and forth along the top of the shaft," says Kerner. Spoon or face each other on your sides, and it can still be enjoyable without making him rush to orgasm.

8. Medicate. In some situations, your partner may want to consider seeing a doctor. A variety of prescriptions are available if premature ejaculation is a serious issue that's negatively affecting your relationship. And while there are over-the-counter supplements that tout their ability to improve a guy’s stamina, your best bet is to go through someone that knows what they’re talking about. Guys can check in with a urologist to see what the issue is and what steps can be taken. And as a general idea, it’s best to avoid supplements you can buy at a gas station.

9. Grab thicker condoms. You should always practice safe sex, so just switch up your condom purchases and instead get your partner something a little thicker (and if for whatever reason you aren’t using condoms, using one will probably dull sensations for him as well as keep you both protected). Keep in mind that it’s still important to make sure you find something that fits right for him. And never double-up on condoms. Double-bagging can lead to issues, like say, losing two condoms in your vagina. And as sex expert Emily Morse explains to Men’s Health, condoms can slip-on and act as a “desensitizer.”

This post was published in 2014 and has been updated

Follow Frank on Twitter.

Source cosmopolitan

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Why Some People Are Born To Feel Emotions Harder

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Scientists have long debated what exactly makes us who we are. Are our qualities more influenced by our social environment, or are we naturally inclined to be a certain way? Or — to complicate things even further — does our environment affect the way these natural tendencies display themselves?
Well, when it comes to the reasons why we do the things we do, the most complicated answer is usually the correct one.
In recent decades, the government has spent billions of dollars on gene research with the goal of trying to explain how the genes we were born with express themselves in our everyday lives.
Psychologists are optimistic — though cautiously — these advancements in gene research will help us understand ourselves better.
We haven’t even scratched the surface of the full potential of genetic research, but what we have seen so far looks promising.
One human quality that genetics has attempted to help explain is sensitivity. People who are highly sensitive tend to respond more emotionally to their environments.
They are more inclined to cry during sad movies, jump to use social media to share something that moved them and feel heightened levels of sympathy for poor people and their friends who just got dumped.
Most notably, they are also more inclined to have a negative attention bias, which means they focus more on the negative things in their environment than the positive things.
This bias causes sensitive people great anxiety, especially if the environment they’re responding to is new.
Where do these traits come from? Why are some people more likely than others to respond more powerfully to their environment? In other words, why are some people so damn sensitive?
If this sounds like you, fear not: It turns out the answers to those questions do, indeed, have something to do with the way you were born.
Researchers from the University of California, Monmouth University and the Albert Einstein College of Medicine found that being sensitive is an innate trait that’s identifiable by physiological reactions, patterns of brain behavior and genes.
In their study, 18 participants viewed photos of either frowning or smiling faces. The researchers then scanned the participants’ brain activity while they looked at the photos to assess how emotional their responses were.
They found that people, who were considered to have sensory processing sensitivity (SPS) had greater blood flow to areas of the brain involved with emotion, awareness and empathy — indicating physical evidence of the presence of the sensitivity trait. This occurred regardless of whether they were looking at the sad or happy photo.
Another 2012 study examined biological proof of sensitivity even further. In the study, researchers Rachael Grazioplene, Colin DeYoung, Fred Rogosch and Dante Cicchetti studied the cholinergic system, a system in our bodies that determines how we respond to new environments and how sensitive we are to stimuli.
The cholinergic system becomes activated when we experience “expected uncertainty,” which happens when we’re placed in situations where we predict we will learn something new.
For example, when you were a freshman in college, you probably knew you’d be confronted with new experiences.
You experienced those feelings of “expected uncertainty” — of not knowing who your friends would be, what you wanted to major in, what clubs you wanted to join, how you would handle living away from home and so on.
Some of your peers might have perceived those new experiences as anxiety-inducing, meaning they would have proceeded with caution. Others might have seen them as intriguing, causing them to have been more inclined to explore.
The way both of these groups of people responded to those new environments was influenced by genetic variants in their cholinergic systems.
In her study, Grazioplene and her colleagues studied variations in the CHRNA4 gene, a key cholinergic receptor and determinant of whether you see the aforementioned kinds of “expected uncertainty” as threatening or exciting.
It wouldn’t be enough to say this genetic variant was the sole determinant, though, so the study also examined how, in conjunction with the variation in the CHRNA4 gene, an individual’s upbringing and social environment affected how he or she perceived uncertainty.
To study the functions of this variation, the researchers set up a week-long camp for 614 children, ages 8 through 13, all of whom came from the same socioeconomic background, but had different upbringings: Half of the children had an upbringing in which they had been maltreated with neglect or emotional, sexual or physical abuse, and the other half had an upbringing in which they had not been maltreated.
The children with the genetic variation who grew up in an abusive environment were more likely to perceive the new camp environment as threatening, and the children with the same genetic variation who had grown up in a normal environment were more likely to perceive the new environment as intriguing. Even more interestingly, these results were true regardless of age, sex or race.
Now, what does this mean? It means that, yes, there is certainly a genetic variant that makes you more inclined to be anxious or curious in new environments, but your upbringing and social environment play a role in determining which one of those two it will be.
And while this specific genetic variant is rare — only one percent of the population actually have it — it gives valuable insight into the way psychologists and scientists study behavioral patterns in relation to both genetics and environment.
So, if you’ve sobbed during “The Notebook,” impulsively shared a video on Facebook of a kitten rolling around in a patch of grass that made you tear up or found yourself crying with your best friend when her boyfriend dumped her, take comfort in the fact that you were probably born this way — feels and all.

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4 Body Parts to Caress a Woman

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Lavish a little attention on these under-appreciated spots and you'll both be glad enjoy it.

During foreplay it’s easy to spend energy on your girl’s headline features up front—who doesn’t want to use a little extra time caressing the girls? But, by focusing too much on predictable erogenous zones, like her neck, inner wrist, and back of her knees, you're missing out on the chance to pay homage to some lesser-known regions she's dying to have you embrace.
So up your game and take more notice of these four surprising body parts. You'll heighten her arousal and take your sex life to a whole new level.

Her Toes
Just as the sight of a sexy pedicure can pique your interest, some women love attention spent on their toes. “This is the kind of situation that may feel really ticklish in the beginning, but may feel really good as you are cycling through the process of arousal,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. Every stage of arousal changes body receptivity to sensation, Kerner says, so what was once ticklish can become exciting later on.
If you aren’t sure how to incorporate this into your playbook, start off easy and Give Her a Sexy Foot Massage. If things feel right, you can progress to more sensual stroking or kisses from there. To reduce any possible awkwardness, focus on massaging the whole foot and using your hands 80 percent of the time, and your mouth 20 percent, Kerner says. “That will minimize the oddness potential.”

Her Hair
There are approximately 100,000 hair strands on a scalp, and attached to each one of these are tiny muscles called arrector pili muscles—muscles tied to your sympathetic nervous system that trigger your involuntary reactions, like fight-or-flight. If you’ve ever felt like your hair was standing on end when you were really cold, then you’ve felt those muscles.

Wrapping a lock of her hair around your finger and pulling gently will stimulate the sensitive nerve endings in her scalp, sending the tingling pleasure down her back, says Kerner. You will want to start off gentler, closer to a scalp massage than intense hair-grabbing passion. As things heat up and her arousal causes her body to release endorphins, her pain threshold will increase and you can become a little rougher.

Her Sensitive Skin
Focus your sensual touch on locations with the smoothest skin, like the inner thigh, stomach, or upper inner arm. Regions with thinner skin have more sensitive nerve endings, says Kerner. But you will want to be careful with how you touch these regions. If you go too rough, like grabbing too hard or abrading the skin with too forceful strokes, you can take her out of the arousal process. Gentle touches are enough to get her engines revving, says Kerner. For an even more heightened experience, run your penis—not just your hands—across her bare skin. The feel of your erection across her lower, thighs, and stomach will give her goose and have her begging for more.

Her Brain
We know you can’t physically touch her noodle, but no matter how good you are with your hands, she’s hoping you will stimulate her brain with your words. “Physical stimulation doesn’t exist in a vacuum,” says Kerner. You can enhance her sensations wherever you’re touching her if you communicate a scenario.

“Whether the scenario is a fantasy about wanting to dominate and ravish her, or tease and tantalize her. Just talking about that will provide a context for your touch,” says Kerner. Communicating how her body makes you feel as you touch each part heightens the experience, so when you run your hands along her thighs, let her know just how much her long legs drive you wild. Or, whisper how sexy you find her as you nibble on her earlobe. The combination of mental and physical stimulation will push her over the edge.

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Ways to Touch Your Man During Sex

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As you know, the male body is definitely a hotbed of feel-good zones. But now experts are saying there are nine special, cream-of-the-crop spots that do double duty when it comes to sexual gratification. We're talking about passion points hiding in plain sight that even he may not be clued in to. Touching and teasing them the right way will turn on all of his senses and make him feel so good, he'll think he's gone to pleasure heaven. "These are places on his body that are literal hot spots, loaded with supersensitive nerve endings that instantly rev him up when stimulated," explains Patti Britton, PhD, Los Angeles-based clinical sexologist and author of the The Complete Idiot's Guide to Sensual Massage. Here, check out our guide to those nine naughty triggers, as well as the specific lick, squeeze and stroke technique for each that will send him into orgasmic overdrive.

The Outside of His Lower Lip

The male mouth is an obvious moan zone. But zeroing in on that slope between his outside lower lip and chin will bring ultraintense bliss to his kisser. We've discovered that this tiny, delicate curve is packed with extrasensitive nerve receptors, says Lou Paget, author of The Big O and a certified sex educator.
Manhandle-him move: While making out, suck his lower lip into your mouth. Use the tip of your tongue to stroke up and down mere millimeters below it. "That motion stimulates the whole erogenous zone in a teasing way, which will put him on the erotic edge," says Paget. "And by keeping his lower lip inside yours, you magnify the sensation. It'll feel as if electric currents are shooting from his mouth straight to his member."

The Front of His Neck

Women tend to pay oral attention to the sides of his neck between his ear and his collar — but it turns out they're missing the major stimulation spot: just below his Adam's apple. "The thyroid, a butterfly-shaped gland about halfway down the front of his neck, is closely linked to the sex organs, according to ancient Chinese medicine," says reflexologist Master Mantak Chia, author of Sexual Reflexology.
Manhandle-him move: Have your guy lie on his back with a pillow plumped behind his head so his neck is exposed and slightly arched forward. Warm him up by brushing your wet lips against the hollow of his throat. Next, run the soft flat of your tongue straight up until you're licking his Adam's apple. The thyroid is just beneath it; dip down and pause here and massage the area in wide circular motions with your tongue. "Teasing him in circles ensures that you excite the entire thyroid, so he gets maximum pleasure," says Chia. He'll be so hot and bothered, he'll gurgle your name in gratitude.

His Nipples

You know that your nipples are a carnal command center. Yet experts found your guy's headlights might be even more sensitive, since most men aren't used to having these sexy switches lavished with attention. "For a lot of men, their nipples are uncharted territory — an erogenous zone they haven't experimented with," explains Britton. Touch them, however, and you'll send shock waves of pleasure radiating through him, she adds.
Manhandle-him move: Our ultimate manipulation trick is called the ice cream swirl. While he's stretched out on his back, "slowly lick in a circle starting outside his areola, circling closer toward the nipple as you would an ice cream cone," says Britton. Keep tantalizing him by zeroing in closer with your tongue. Finally, quickly flick the nipple, then very gently bite it. "Men love when you slowly build up the pressure like that," she says. So don't be afraid to nip him harder than you would like to be.
To up the erotic ante, suck on an ice cube before you begin. Your cold tongue will supercharge the concentrated cluster of nipple nerve endings.

The Dip Under His Ankle

Halfway between his heel and ankle bone is a fingertip-size pressure point that we've learned has enormous passion potential, explains Laura Norman, author of Feet First. "This spot is linked to the sex organs," says Norman. "Pressing it releases energy, producing feelings of pleasure."
Manhandle-him move: Do the deed in the reverse girl-on-top position, so you face his feet. As you sense your guy is getting close to climax, reach forward, grab his ankles and pulse each pressure point in rhythm with your thrusts. He'll blow a gasket in seconds...and playing footsie will never be the same.

His Perineum

Most men are shy about guiding you to this patch of skin just past his family jewels. But beneath it is his prostate gland — an organ with major orgasmic power. "A few soft strokes here will bring him to the brink," says Tracey Cox, author of Supersex.
Manhandle-him move: Before he enters you in the missionary position, reach between his legs and lightly tease his entire package. "When your hand is behind his testicles, press your knuckles gently into the smooth flesh," says Cox. Your naughty kneading will bliss him out. Then, knock boots and knead him at the same time. When he's ready to hit the roof, push your knuckles deeper -- it'll extend his orgasm, adds Cox.

His Shaft

Any nooky novice can make a man sweat by manipulating his entire love muscle. But carnal connoisseurs now know that one specific member-only move on a certain stretch of his little soldier is so scorching, it'll set his desire on fire.
Manhandle-him move: Have your man lie on his back comfortably, then sit between his outstretched legs, facing him. Make two tight rings around his penis with the thumb and index finger of both your hands, placing the rings one on top of the other in the middle of his shaft. Slide the rings in opposite directions, going back and forth from the base to the head simultaneously. "This is a torrid twist on the usual one-handed up-and-down motion," says Cox. "He'll feel incredible friction, especially if you start off torturously slow, building up speed as he gets more and more pumped and then slowing down to keep him in a holding pattern." To make this move even more mind-blowing, squirt some lubricant into your hand.

The Head of His Penis

With more pleasure receptors than any other part of his package, this tip of the amorous iceberg is the nexus of male sex nerves. But it's tricky to get the right level of pressure so you send him soaring into ecstasy, not recoiling in sensory overload, says Barbara Keesling, PhD, author of The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex.
Manhandle-him move: Try the "lipstick" trick: With your man lying back and his penis stiffly pointing skyward, hold the base with your fingers (not in a fist) to steady him. Brush your closed yet relaxed lips against his head, rubbing it across your wet mouth as if you were applying lipstick. "Heighten the sensation by opening your lips a bit, rubbing his head between them," advises Keesling. Occasionally take the whole head in your mouth, then go back to rubbing the tip against your lips. He'll feel like he's getting a tighter, wetter version of nooky. Plus, he can watch you work him over — a toe-curling treat for him.

The Seam of His Testicles

You know that crinkly crease that separates his boys? Well, it turns out this seam has more passion-packing ability than we thought. "This nerve-rich pleasure trail runs top to bottom along his scrotum," explains Cox. "It isn't touched as often as it should be because not many women — or men — think of it as worthy of attention."
Manhandle-him move: To steam up his seam, you have to take the initiative. But tread lightly, since the area is so sensitive. Cradle his family jewels in one hand, then gently press the first two fingertips of your other hand into the top of the crease (close to where the testicles connect to the base of the penis). Trace downward with both fingers until you reach the bottom of his scrotum. While still toying with his twins, run your fingers back up again. "The two types of in-sync stimulation will really rouse him," says Cox. "He'll never let you get away with overlooking this lusty line again."

His Frenulum

The F Spot refers to that tiny knob of flesh underneath the crown of his penis, where the head connects to the shaft. Because it's off the beaten passion path, it doesn't get much amorous attention. But erotic experts and desire divas alike now consider it the booty bull's-eye. "A bundle of nerves meet at this point, so when you touch it, you set off an amazing chain reaction of rapture," says Britton.
Manhandle-him move: This frenulum-friendly maneuver will really flip his switch. While holding his penis steady at the base with one hand, slowly circle your tongue around the crown. Each time you reach his frenulum, give it a few fast flicks with just the stiff tip of your tongue, then return to licking the crown. At the same time, work your hand up and down his shaft. He'll respond with a tsunami of moans and groans...followed by an out-of-this-world climax that's liable to wake the neighbors.

Hands-on. Use your fingertips to trace tiny circles in the center of his palm, then widen them out to the edges of his hand.

Face trace. As the back of his head rests on a cushion, place two fingers on each temple, gently pressing both sides simultaneously.

Back track. With his shirt off, knead the area where his butt meets his spine, pushing firmly into his flesh with each stroke.

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Advice For A Better Sex Life: Sleep, And Watch Porn

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Is your sex life lagging? Two new studies offer scientific guidance for both sexes for combatting sexual dysfunction, which affects roughly 43 percent of American women and 31 percent of men. The research suggests that women looking to boost their sex lives should focus on spending more time between the sheets -- sleeping, that is. For guys, on the other hand, enjoying a little porn could boost erectile function and keep desire strong within a relationship -- despite common concerns about porn hijacking men's libidos and setting up unrealistic expectations for real-life sex.

Ladies first: One of the studies, recently published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, tracked hours of sleep and next-day sexual desire among a sample of 171 women. Every extra hour that a woman slept increased her chances of having sex with her partner by 14 percent, which the researchers attributed to an increase in sexual desire. Women who slept longer on average also experienced fewer issues with vaginal arousal than women who slept less.

"These findings indicate that insufficient sleep can decrease sexual desire and arousal for women," Dr. David Kalmbach, a psychologist at Kent State University and the study's lead author, said in a statement. "I think the take-home message should not be that more sleep is better, but that it is important to allow ourselves to obtain the sleep that our mind and body needs."
The power of porn: It's often said that porn, if anything, is bad for a man's sex life. But a new study published in the online journal Sexual Medicine suggests that men who watch porn may enjoy greater desire and arousal in normal, real-life sexual situations with their partners.

Researchers from UCLA and Concordia University analyzed data from 280 men, nearly half of whom were in serious relationships. The men answered questions about how many hours per week they spent watching porn, their levels of sexual desire and their experiences with erectile function. Then, in the lab, the men watched porn showing a man and a woman having consensual vaginal intercourse, and rated their own levels of arousal.

The researchers found that men who watched porn at home were more aroused when they watched "vanilla" porn in the lab, suggesting that watching that watching porn may not have a desensitizing effect, as is commonly said. The researchers also found no correlation between watching porn and erectile dysfunction.
"Viewing more sex films was associated with a stronger sex drive, including the desire to have sex with a partner, so sex films may be able to 'stoke the fire,'" Prause told The Huffington Post in an email.
Of course, researchers acknowledged, it's possible the men who watched more porn had a stronger sex drive in the first place. But the findings still suggest that many popular stereotypes about porn don't hold up -- and that watching porn may indeed have a place in a healthy sex life within a relationship.
"The most common error of thinking with respect to men and porn is that all porn is bad for men all of the time," Prause said. "The truth is probably that some porn is good for some men in some situations. The challenge is to identify when sex films are most likely to be helpful."

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Thinks to Do If She Has a Boyfriend

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Question : The girl I’m hot for has a boyfriend who doesn’t fulfill her. She says she loves me, but won’t leave him for me. I keep waiting, but it only seems like they are getting closer. Yet she says she is unhappy with him. When will she leave him for me?

Answer: The answer is NEVER. The way you have things set up now, she will never leave him for you.
This is a classic male dilemma. She says she wants a guy like you, but, somehow, she stays (and gives sex to!) the guy who she claims to not like. You don’t like this situation. Why would you?

You’re problem is that you think that because you are unhappy, and because she is unfulfilled, it means that she will inevitably leave him and go out with you, instead. You tell yourself that all you have to do is wait, and the situation will eventually cut your way. But it doesn’t – in fact, the more time you spend with her, the more it seems like she is committed to her boyfriend.


The problem is this: The way you have things set up now, she is getting everything she wants, and has no incentive to change anything. She says she is unfulfilled by her boyfriend, but the fact that she stays with him belies that she in fact DOES get something out of it. It fulfills some subconscious need of hers that you will probably never understand.

The truth is, you are unhappy with this situation, but she is just fine. She can have hot sex with her boyfriend, then complain to you about how unfulfilled she is, and you give her love and support unconditionally. She has everything she wants, and she will NOT leave him for you, as long as this is true.
If you want this to change, you have to take some risks yourself.
Here are the risks you have to start taking, today, if you want to turn this situation around:

Pursue other women.
If you want to turn her into a lover, it is crucial beyond words that she not be your one-and-only-hope for sex. You must be pursuing other women, flirting with other women, romancing other women and being sexual with other women.
It will give you a sense of patience with your “friend,” remove any sense of desperation you may be feeling around her and make you less available – and thus more attractive – to her.
Act like a lover, not like a female friend.

Pop quiz, hotshot: what does a man who becomes a woman’s friend do differently with her than another woman would? Answer: nothing.
Moral: if you want a woman to see you as a sexual man, rather than basically as an ugly woman, then you must act differently than another woman would. This is true for women you are just meeting as well as for women who have known you for a while and already think of you as a friend. Bottom line: you must flirt with her, weird as it may feel to you the first time you do it. You must flirt.
Start doing all the flirting moves. You must ask, “What’s the story behind that?” You must practice Situational Flirting and the Goodbye Introduction. You must conduct Romantic Conversations and Deepening Conversations. When you start incorporating these behaviors into your life, women will not wonder whether you are a wimpy friend or a potential lover. You’ll be a potential lover every time – or she’ll get rid of you.
Be upbeat and be busy.
The chances are you are kind of depressed when you’re with her, complaining about your life and generally being a whiner. You must stop doing that right away.
She should find herself thinking, “Wow, he seems pretty happy, even without me. I’d better get a piece of that!” rather than “Wow, this guy is a downer.” You must act more upbeat, like you have something going on in your life. The best way to do this is to pursue other women (see above).
Refuse to stay just friends. If you do what we say, things will start seeming more romantic with the woman you befriended. She’ll either get with the program (and probably say, “You’ve changed!”) or she’ll tell you in no uncertain terms that you are now and will forever be just friends. If that happens, you have to stop hanging around with her.

Without hedging, tell her, “I’m sorry, but it’s too painful for me to be just friends with someone I feel this way about. I’m attracted to you.” Then stop hanging around with her – at least then you’ll be doing something positive for your self-esteem as a man. Will this make her leave her boyfriend? We don’t know, but we do know it will move you in the direction of getting the relationship you want, if not with her, then with someone else.

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How to Approach a Woman and Make Her Excited to Meet You online

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If you’ve tried out a big online dating website like match.com, then you’ve seen that there really are some hot, quality women on there. However, just like out in the real world, it can be hard to figure out what to say to a woman to get an interaction with her going on the right foot.
Today I’m going to teach you an easy way to strike up a conversation with a woman online in 4 easy steps:

1) Don’t ‘wink’ at her

Match.com has ‘winks’, Yahoo personals has ‘icebreakers’, Facebook has ‘pokes’ and you shouldn’t mess with any of them! These are all ways to show interest in a person without needing to write an email, or put any effort in whatsoever. These things make you look lazy and scared. Not exactly attractive traits for a man…
Attractive women can get literally hundreds of pokes and winks in the course of a week, almost all of which are completely ignored. So instead of lazy and scared, send an email that is ballsy and unique.

2) Don’t do mass e-mailings.

The first time I thought of doing this it seemed like a pretty good idea… Write one witty email, mail it to a hundred different girls and see how many nibbles you get. The only problem with this theory is that it assumes your profile and your emails are good enough to hook and reel in quality women. If they were that good, then you would be getting a 70-80% response rate like I get.
Also the kind of e-mails that women strongly respond to are HIGHLY PERSONALIZED, not generic emails based on cut and paste templates.

3) Find something interesting in her profile.

Women like it when a guy takes the time to read her profile. This shows them that you are interested in them specifically and aren’t just some desperate dude looking for sex. So scan her profile for something that interests you like maybe she brews her own beer… So you say something about a beer you love, it’s that easy.

4) Don’t act like you like her a lot and think she is so hot.

If you are emailing a woman on a dating site, then it’s OBVIOUS that you like her. Don’t mention it outright, if you do you’ll look a little unstable. That’s wussyish, not very smooth. It’s like saying “I want to kiss you” before you kiss her and looking for her approval… not attractive.
Do you ever notice how in romantic movies the guy never goes “Oh I like you so much, you’re so pretty, we have so much in common etc…” when he first meets the girl? You’ve got to leave it unsaid, let that sexual tension rise up and get her all hot and bothered.
Trust me, she’ll be way more excited about meeting you if you haven’t been kissing her rear in your emails.

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