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Showing posts with label FASHION & LIFE STYLE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FASHION & LIFE STYLE. Show all posts

Psychology Explaination Why we are Always Late

6:20 PM

Always running late?
Despite your best intentions, you show up at least 10 minutes after you say you will. At least you’re dependable, right? 
Chronic lateness isn’t thoughtlessness or “bad subway luck,” it’s a personality profile, according to research. There are multiple character traits at play that contribute to a person’s repeated tardiness, including some that may not be in your control.
But that doesn’t mean your timing problem is a pattern that will last forever. If you can identify what is behind the lateness, there’s plenty you can do about it. After all, no one wants to be the person who always arrives last.

You might be multitasking too much.

Time flies when you’re juggling multiple items. A 2003 study that examined the habits of New York City subway workers found that those who multitasked were more likely to be late for their jobs than those who focused on on single activity at a time.
This could be due to a phenomenon known as metacognition, or an awareness of what you’re doing (in the case of lateness, it could an awareness of whether you’re doing what you need to make sure you’re on time). Multitasking typically makes it harder to have metacognition, Business Insider reported.
The Fix: Set alerts or reminders so you can stay on track if you get distracted.
“Set a very firm calendar and set of reminders with prompts that occur 10 or 15 minutes before a meeting or appointment is supposed to occur,” Susan Krauss-Whitbourne, a professor of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, told The Huffington Post.
Krauss-Whitborne also recommends mapping out how to get from point A to point B ahead of time and set your reminders based on that.

Your internal clock might be off.

Your internal clock could help with regulating time, according to Krauss-Whitbourne. And if you’re always late, you may not have such a reliable compass.
A 2016 study found that chronic lateness may originate in what’s called Time-Based Prospective Memory, which is a function of memory triggered by a time cue (like remembering to watch a TV show at 9 p.m. every week, for example).
The study measured TBPM by giving participants tasks like completing a jigsaw puzzle and telling them to finish it in a certain amount of time, which required them to pace themselves so they can get the tasks done. The participants were given the option to check the time while they were working. However, the experiment was set up in a way that made it unlikely they would check since they were so engrossed in their tasks.
For the most part, the study found that people relied on their own internal clock to regulate their time ― and those who were able to complete the tasks had a better handle on that inner clock and a better perception of time.
In a post for Psychology Today, Krauss-Whitbourne explained how the process can be applied to real life:
The situation in TBPM experiments is analogous to what happens when you’re engrossed in one activity, such as catching up on your social media feed, at the same time that you’re also supposed to be getting ready to leave your home to be on time for work. You think only five minutes have passed when in fact you’ve let 20 minutes slip by. People who are good at TBPM tasks seem better able to regulate their own clock-checking behavior, so they’re less reliant on their potentially flawed internal timekeeper.
The Fix: Work on perfecting your definition of time.
Make an effort to be your own best critic when it comes to managing your minutes. There are also tasks you can do to help sharpen your sense of time, Krauss-Whitbourne said.
We all have internal clocks and if yours is constantly off kilter, you need to train yourself to recalibrate,” she explained. “One thought is to play games to guess the time without cues and then see how off you are. Resetting may be as simple as retraining your ability to estimate time.”

You have a “Type B” personality.

Studies suggest those who are typically late tend to underestimate their time ― and personality may be to blame. Research shows that those who display Type B behavior, or the personality type that’s known for being more laid back, may have an off perception of the clock.
The study found that those who associate with the achievement-oriented “Type A” character trait were more accurate in estimating the passage of time than Type B folks. Those who were Type B in the study suspected that less time had passed than it really did when trying to measure out a minute.
“Type A individuals estimated that a minute passed in 58 seconds, compared with 77 seconds for Type B individuals,” the Wall Street Journal reported.
The Fix: Practice empathy.
It’s totally fine to have a laid back personality (there are even benefits to it!) but it’s important to not be so relaxed that you don’t consider others in the process. Try adding more minutes in your schedule estimation, Krauss-Whitbourne recommends ― and do it for the people you’re meeting.
“Imagine that you’re the one always waiting for someone else,” she said. “It’s irritating to you and therefore irritating to others.”
Most of all, incorporating a few new lifestyle habits into your routine to prevent you from running behind may benefit you the most in the long run, Krauss-Whitbourne explained. Especially when it comes to your own wellbeing.
“Always feeling you’re late contributes to stress levels, and this is also bad for your health,” she said. “So try to change, even if you think it’s hopeless.”
It’s never too late to stop being late.

If Your Man Doesn't Have These 4 Traits, Don't Marry Him

6:03 PM

Non-negotiables that every woman should stick with.
By now, you know that if a man freaks out on the waiter, he's likely going to do the same to you. And those men who hate all of their exes? Well, let's just say they likely aren't getting many accolades on the other side, either.
But aside from the obvious traits one should avoid in a mate— aggression (passive or outright), disrespect, a lack of manners, empathy and/or intelligence — there are those red flags that look a softer shade of pink behind rose-colored glasses.
You know what I'm talking about. They're the ones that cause that gnawing feeling in your gut and leave you wondering if the situation is workable or if it's time to walk. If you're tired of collecting frequent flyer miles to the purgatory between stay and go, you're in luck. Read on for four non-negotiables that are often overlooked, but that I've learned to hold on tightly to. 
1. He has a steady job and work history.
In our teens, being in the band made a man sexy. As a grown woman, it's only hot if that band is U2. Of course, requiring that a man bring home the bacon like Bono is hardly behavior I'd condone (make your own moolah, babygirl), but as a woman who has dated the perpetually unemployed, I can tell you that expecting him to have a solid job, work history, and career-plan should be a no-brainer.
Don't believe me? I went and confirmed it with an expert.
"A man's work ethic is a reflection of his character," says Jennine Estes, M.F.T and author of Relationships In The Raw. She says an ability to make a long-term commitment gives insight into his value system. "Building a career shows an ability to commit, work through difficulties, and showcases a development of people skills. It also highlights his self-esteem. All of these things will impact your relationship in addition to easing the obvious financial burden."
The job/relationship equation: There's more to him having a job than you not wanting to constantly split (or get) the check; it's a view into his personal code.
"People can bond over their career passion or it can highlight opposing values," says Estes, who adds that the way a person approaches their career can also show how they can be in a relationship. "It's not just about financial security, it's also about showing that someone is willing to get up every day and do what it takes to take care of themselves and work toward a higher goal."
When it's workable: If your man has recently changed directions, graduated school or been laid off, give him a break.
"Don't jump the gun until you know the full story," advises Estes. "A man working towards a larger goal or fighting for a higher paying position is a lot different from someone who is unreliable, lacks ambition or is lazy," she says. Give him a reasonable time frame and pay attention to his dedication and energy level. If he's getting up early, networking and pounding the pavement, he deserves your full support.
When it's not workable: Is your man always having work problems or making excuses to stay unemployed until he finds the "perfect" job? It may be time to give him the pink slip. If he's not fighting for something as important as his career, how can you expect him to fight beside you when the going gets tough?
2. He knows how to cook and clean.
No, I'm not talking Todd English-style dishes and floors so clean you can eat off of them (though, both would be nice). Still, I'm a firm believer that all adults should know to make a decent omelette and steak, and they should want to wash the dishes within a few hours of the meal.
These skills are not only about self-sufficiency (and a dislike of smells and critters), but show that one is interested in enjoying life and not too lazy to go beyond the basics.
The laundry/love equation: Anyone with long workdays and a busy social life knows that take-out numbers are called and tube socks occasionally find a home on the floor. I chalk these things up to being the side effects of a full life. That said, if the only cooking your man does is heating up his General Tso's in a dirty microwave, it may be a sign of something more serious.
A man who knows how to take care of himself — and cares enough to make the effort to do so — will be far more inclined to step-up and take care of you than someone who just expects you to live according to his low standards or act as a full-time maid-service.
When it's workable: If he just doesn't know how to clean the toilet or chop an onion, but is open to learning, feel free to move past go.
"The key component is compromise. No one should be doing all of the work, you have to have a happy medium. He cooks, you clean. He makes the bed, you dust the tables. This way it's not over-the-top. It's about two people creating a home that feels like their own personal sanctuary," says Estes.
When it's not workable: Estes says there are certain "red flags" that should not be overlooked. If he refuses to do his part, always puts it off until "tomorrow," or thinks that only ladies do laundry, pack up and go.
"This signals that he may not see you as an equal." That's a much bigger problem than figuring out who is going to take out the trash.
3. He doesn't live at home with his parents.
It's nice when a man is close with his mother, but if she knows where you are 24/7 or is snuggling in-between the two of you on movie night, you'll feel more like a sibling than a significant other. Family-oriented includes spending quality time together, celebrating with one another, and supporting each other. Family-obsessed is another story.
One that accepts you too quickly is also a big no-no. "If his entire family is adding you on Facebook the first month or you're meeting the family on the first few dates, you're seeing big, red flags," Estes says.
The family/relationship equation: It's important to remember that every family has a different set of values and boundaries, but your guy needs to know where his childhood ends and adulthood begins.
"He needs to be able to stand on his own two feet as a self-reliant man who makes his own decisions, can face the world on his own, and pay his own bills without help. If he can't, these are important factors to consider," says Estes.
When it's workable: "It's a good sign when your guy can set boundaries and is open to having conversations about your feelings while making you feel like a priority," says Estes. Better yet, these traits can help to make a relationship work even when you've had an initial set-back.
"It doesn't mean you have to end things if you don't get along with the family in the beginning. It's more important to examine how the two of you work through these issues. You've got to make sure that the relationship is solid and can handle the conflict no matter what," she says.
When it's not workable: If your man's mom is having an issue every time you have a date or the majority of his conversations include his family members, it may be time to cut the chord.
The "blood is thicker than water" approach is going to get in the way of your long-term love, warns Estes. "If his family is so far up on the pedestal where they always come first and take precedence over anything else, including you, you'll feel run over," says Estes. And really, who wants to make out with a man baby? No thanks.
4. He has a life of his own.
In a world of dating sites and swiping right, couples who do everything together may seem retro and cute from the outside, but there's a real value in flying solo, even when attached.
"Relationships are dynamic and there are a lot of ways to connect with a partner. It's important to have an identity and individuality when in a relationship. The more you work on yourself and build self-confidence, the more you can bring to the relationship. The more you grow, the more the relationship can grow," says Estes.
The life of his own/relationship equation: I'm obviously not suggesting that every woman start loving the idea of a Costa Rican bachelor party blow-out, but imagine never having time to unwind with your girls over a bottle of wine or taking that trip to the ultimate spa retreat with your bestie?
We tend to forget that we are all individuals on a life journey who choose to walk together, and being in a relationship doesn't change that. "It's important to have alone time, friend time, and hobbies outside of the relationship to allow partners to be excited to come back together and share their stories," says Estes.
When it's workable: If your man is a bit shy or a bit of a loner, it doesn't mean you need to dump him. He may be unsure as to how to reach out to new friends. Think about it: In school, it was easy to meet new people, but as we grow older, the opportunities to make new friends (and see old ones) can seem more limited, which means unless your guy has a solid crew of constant companions, he's likely not going to always have someone to do something with.
When it's not workable: If your dude confuses co-dependency with love, doesn't really have any interests or passions (read: boring), or sacrifices his "alone time" in order to keep you from going out and enjoying yours, it might be time to move forward ... on your own.
Now, here's the caveat, ladies: You should be able to offer all of these things, too.

5 Questions Women Should Ask Themselves Every Day

5:42 PM

If you can't answer them, you may want to hold off on making any major decisions.
Forget the horoscopes, the fortune-tellers and even the long-winded wine-downs with friends; the real answers to your life’s most difficult questions are easier to obtain than you might think. In fact, they're right there inside of you.
Whether you’re looking for an answer about your love life, job or that big move, all smart women should ask themselves these five very simple questions every day; if you do, you’ll never have to put your palms out again.
1. Who am I? 
No, you haven’t time-traveled back to philosophy class and there won’t be a graded test at the end, but think about it: when was the last time you sat down and really thought about who you are, right here and now? Not the person you were/think you are/have been told you were/want to be, but the person you are in this moment? You know, the one you live with 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
If it’s been a while, it’s time for a check-in. Whether it’s writing thoughts, feelings, and values in a nightly journal or taking quizzes, there are a number of ways to get to know and understand yourself better, and make no mistake: it’s not just self-indulgent navel gazing, either. The more we know who we are and what we stand for, the more protective we will be and the easier it will be to identify what and who is right for us, and what and who is not.
2. Are my actions reflective of who I am?

Tenor
Gandhi once said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” A simple sentiment that can ignite some complex feelings in those of us who aren’t exactly feeling the serenity of synergy in our lives.
The reality is that many of us are walking around in confinement, moving through the motions dictated more by habit than of true consciousness. Perhaps that’s why many of us feel so out-of-sync with our homes, relationships, jobs, friendships, and surroundings.
When you push yourself to say “yes” instead of “no”, be bullied by fear, continue down a path that feels wrong or force yourself to smile politely when you feel insulted, you betray yourself and send those around you an inaccurate message about who you are, what you think and what your values and boundaries are. See how easy that can derail the many moments that make up a life?
3. What do I really want out of this?
OK, I am the queen of starting and stopping the Paleo diet. I start it on Monday and rock the Caveman menu until, oh, about Thursday, when I can’t live without some delicious wheat-fix and before I know it, I'm pouring the wine and promising myself that come Monday, I will make a solid commitment.
After too many bread-binges and a huge physical argument with my favorite pair of jeans, I had a talk with myself (though, not in public because, well, unless you have your iPhone headphones in, that doesn’t go over so well). “Self,” I asked, “What is it that you really want out of this?” Did I want to binge on bread every few days more than I wanted to look like Jennifer Nicole Lee or did I want the body bad enough to chill on the bread a few weeks and see how I looked and felt trying something new?
I asked myself this question, not once, but every single time I had a craving. Guess what? Giving myself the choice — without judgment — was enough to keep me on-track and actually feeling good about my decision. This question can be used in all kinds of situations smart women get into from sleeping with that sexy-but-oh-so-bad-for-you-ex or choosing to go to bed and save up for that dream vacation instead of blowing up your bank account on cocktails and cabs.
4. What is the point of this?
Confession: Back in the day I was a massive drama queen (those who know me are questioning the “back in the day” opener but I assure you, I was worse then). Whether it was indulging mean girl snark attacks or personalizing the projections of a boss that had no business in a leadership role, I often found myself in a state of angst over what really amounted to pointless nonsense.
After plenty of sleepless nights and scary panic attacks, I made a decision to question my own reactions by forcing myself to come up with a logical and productive reason to stress, worry and participate in various situations and conversations. Yes, sharing information is an important part of relationship healing and building, but allowing your mind to participate in chaotic situations that are ultimately pointless is not only a waste of time, it’s dangerous.
5. Why can't I?
I know what it feels to sit next to friends and colleagues who are enjoying experiences and achievements that I hope to enjoy one day. Watching a dear friend play with their new baby while praying the clock keeps ticking long enough to meet someone worthy of my next 50 years (and fathering my baby to boot) used to send me into a “why can’t I have that in my life?” frenzy.
But a simple change of emphasis changed everything. One day, I was laying in my bed, thinking about how the lives of most of my friends had all moved through marriage to baby and home while I was still hitting the town four nights a week, enjoying the single life and watching classic movies with my adorable Chihuahua.
The “why can’t I” theme song came on when it hit me that I was being completely ridiculous. Why can’t I still have that, but allow myself to enjoy more “me” time before I have it? Boom.
From that moment on, every time I would find myself feeling sorry for myself I would make myself answer why I could not have what I wanted. Guess what? I've never had a good answer.

16 tips to know if You Found a Real Man

5:28 PM

If you find yourself constantly swiping left on Tinder, then you know what qualities you want in a guy. It can be hard, however, to tell if they act like a boy or a man. Don't be fooled;

How to know you're dating a true gentleman and total, bonafide catch.
I love Rhett Butler.
No, not Gerard. Rhett.
In fact, I feel that every man and woman on the planet should be made to watch "Gone With The Wind" at least twice, if only to teach men how to be men and women how to separate them from the boys. And if you are dating in the here and now, you know where the boys are: on Tinder, on Match, on the street, making vulgar statements about what they'd like to do with you and where. They're in your phone texting sexual innuendos before they know your last name and asking to "hang out" because they're terrified of committing to the idea of a proper date.
Rhett Butler would not do any of this.
Rhett was a man in control of himself. He dressed and spoke well, loved better, and had a great sense of humor, sometimes of questionable taste. He was unafraid to speak his mind, stand his ground, fall wildly in love, and show his love (and fight for it, too). Now, before you remind me that I'm speaking about a fictional character, I'll let you in on a little secret: I was raised by a man who lived this way and know a few men who live this way now, and make no mistake: they do wonderfully with women.
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As a woman, there's nothing better than being in the presence of a man who relishes in his masculinity in a way that doesn't involve the obvious chest-pounding and cat-calling, but the confident reserve of a gentleman. Now, before you accuse me of hating men, let me be clear; I love more things about men than I can put into one article. This is not about finding female empowerment through man-bashing. Quite the opposite, actually. It's a celebration of the grown up man's man who knows how to treat a woman. What does this man look like, to me, at least? Well...
1. He is hygienic, but cleans his nails and trims his nose hairs outside of a nail salon. Think about it: Would Hemingway or Gladiator be getting his nails buffed? Methinks not.
2. He can balance both swag and sophistication and a career and a personal life without too many proverbial exclamation points (and certainly not multiple ones in a text message. No, no, no).
3. He reserves his "LOL" for actual laughter, which he exudes out loud and often.
4. He isn't looking to play "pen pal" with you through your iPhone because he knows that all text and no play makes Johnny a very dull boy.
5. When he's interested in a woman, he doesn't wait three days to call her, but he does actually call her, and when he does, he asks her out for dinner, makes reservations, picks a great bottle of wine (because he knows how to) and then makes sure she gets home safely.
6. If he wants to see her again, he lets her know, and if he doesn't, he politely lets her know that it was a pleasure to spend time with her, even if it wasn't. He does, however, let her know gently and firmly enough that he's not interested so that she doesn't waste her time thinking it might become something it won't.
7. He reads actual books and newspapers and holds opinions on everything from scotch pairings to world events all the while understanding that not all of his opinions are facts and that not everyone has to agree with him in order for him to maintain his relationships or his manhood. In fact, he enjoys it when you don't agree with him because it means he gets to indulge you in a good debate or leave you thinking a little bit harder about things than when you sat down in front of him.
8. He opens doors and takes coats, not because he feels a woman is weak, but because he is strong enough to show that he cares about the comfort of those around him.
9. Sure, he might want to get into a woman's bed, but he's also interested in getting into her head as experience has shown him that seduction is a delicate dance and the man who resides in her mind has conquered every other part of her.
10. He appreciates a woman who shows she cares for him, but he isn't interested in being courted. He enjoys taking the lead in courting and doesn't need to be "chased" because he's in desperate need of an ego stroke. He also won't play "puppy dog" to a woman who takes advantage of this.
11. He doesn't look to be anyone's father or savior, and he doesn't pretend to be the leading man in any woman's fairy tale. He's just a man looking for a partner who can slay her own dragons, pay her own bills and explore the world alongside him.
12. He looks for a woman who doesn't need him, but wants him, not for money or the happiness or a baby or a safety net, but solely for who he is.
13. He has a career, a hobby, a family of close friends and a favorite way to have his steak prepared and he isn't the least bit intimidated when the woman in front of him shares these qualities; quite the contrary, it makes him want her more.
14. He has taken the time to get to know himself and has a strong understanding of his own character and convictions, what he values and what he doesn't. He is a man who is honest with himself about himself and therefore is OK being honest with those around him.
15. He takes as much pride in the way he treats women he's with as he does his job and the way he looks.
16. He's not the bad boy, a good boy, or a boy at all; he's a man. A leading man, and he's looking not for a good girl, but a great woman. One who shares all of the solid qualities that he brings to the table, and perhaps, can teach him something along the way. He's willing to wait and work for this woman, to fight for her and will gladly hold out for her as long as he needs to. But when she comes along, he doesn't sit on the fence; he's smart enough to know when he's gotten damned lucky. And when she finds him, she should be smart enough to know the same.
— Brenda Della Casa

This Buddhist Chant Is All It Takes to Get Newborns to Stop Crying?

11:34 AM

Leave it to this clever papa to introduce us all to a new way of soothing newborn babies.
On April 21, new dad Daniel Eisenman uploaded a video of himself chanting "om" (yes, just like the Buddhist chant) to calm his crying daughter. And the best part is it actually worked! Eisenman later revealed that he and his wife "om"-ed to their baby girl while she was still in the womb, and she was welcomed to the world with the sounds of Thai Buddhist monks chanting. The hilariously sweet video has since been viewed 29 million times. Press play above to see Eisenman work his dad magic right before your eyes.

How does it Feel loving Another Mother's Child

7:17 AM

The thing about being a nanny — or in any line of childcare — is that you get attached to a child that doesn't in any way belong to you. Twenty-four hours into my first day as a full-time nanny, I fell completely in love with a little boy that isn't mine to love. He has two amazing parents, a wonderful extended family, and now, a baby sister who is going to unconditionally love and idolize him forever — but he also has me, and I love the kid to absolute pieces.
As a parent, I could imagine that it would feel weird — almost threatening — to have someone else say that they're in love with your child. When your kids are born, you love them no matter what because they're yours, and that's just how it works. But it is still so possible to love a child who doesn't belong to you — especially because children love back so unconditionally in the first place. If you are a parent to a child and you allow someone else to play a large role in their life, having that person love them the way you do is, in my opinion, the best outcome for everyone.
Don't get me wrong — I know with 300-percent certainty that I would never in any way replace my employer as her son's mother, that's just not possible, nor is it something I would ever want. But being a nanny is kind of weird, if I'm honest. You spend an entire day trying to keep someone else's kid happy, fed, and alive. It sort of feels like you're a single mom in half-day increments.* Because of that, you can't help but feel like this little kiddo is yours in a way — after all, they learn from you, they adopt little habits of yours, they pick up phrases that you use. They become a mix of their parents with a splash (or two) of you, because you are the three people that they spend the most time with. So when I say that I'm completely in love with a child that isn't mine, there are multiple reasons why I feel like I am validated.
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  • First and foremost, I won the nanny lottery and landed a job with the most amazing set of parents in the world. If they weren't only a few years older than me, I would ask them to adopt me. They took me in as a part of their family right away and let me love their son and have him in my life, and for that I will be forever grateful. (They also know basically all of my life secrets, so I have to keep them close.)
  • There is no such thing as "too much love." There are so many people in this world who could use a little bit more of the stuff, so I can't possibly imagine not giving out all of the love I have to give, which, if you know me at all, is a lot.
  • It is absolutely impossible not to love a tiny human who fits into tiny clothes and has a tiny voice and eats with tiny cutlery.
  • Like I mentioned above, he has a few splashes of me, parts of my personality that I really love about myself. Seeing him share some of my interests, say some of the funny things I say — even just laugh at my jokes because we totally get each other — is so amazing.
  • He makes me feel more maternal than any childless 20-something could ever relate to.
  • In the way that any parent feels proud of their child, he makes me proud every single day — big things, little things, all of the things. He's incredible, and he makes me happy to be such a big part of his life as he grows into a young boy.
  • He is a very perceptive and affectionate little boy — he has seen me get emotional, even cry before, and like a mature adult, he completely and utterly consoled me.
  • I would do literally anything for him — this includes a range of things, from getting up from a Rescue Bots Netflix binge to get him a snack to putting myself in harm's way to protect him.
  • He not only tells me he loves me, but that he loves me "way too much," which melts my damn heart every single time.
So yes, I am in love with a little boy that isn't mine — and to go a step further, the second his little sister was born, my heart burst even more, because with her it was love at first (iPhone photo) sight. It's a weird thing to talk about, but it's such a natural feeling. That little boy wasn't just my pint-size boss, he's an extraordinary child who has touched my life so irrevocably — he's my best friend, my "chicken nugget," my absolute favorite person in the whole world, and I love him to kingdom come.

*I am not actually a single mom, so I cannot confirm or validate that feeling in the slightest; it's just speculation.

Image Source: Shutterstock
 
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